Labor Day

We have some amazing friends. Some of them we were blessed to spend Labor Day weekend with up at their cabin in the mountains of southern CO.

7 Kids, 7 Adults, 3 dogs and 4 horses equals a serenity that you wouldn't expect!

It's amazing to get away but unfortunately Monday came and Hubby was gone again...

Summer Reflection

As school let out at the beginning of June I had such high hopes for summer. Alas I and my children are mortal and not every minute thing went right. But all in all memories were made and a few tears were shed. Bones were broken and mended. I think this quote sums up my summer, if not life in general:

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.

Good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.

Doctor Who, Vincent and the Doctor

I told ya that there was a broken arm. Little William busted it right before we headed to Wyoming and Idaho for a week. Perfect timing!

WYOMING:

We also were able to attend a beautiful wedding in Idaho. My parents came up to see us from Utah and we were able to see grandparents/great-grandparents.

HICKS Great-grandparents

Cute Family

Hicks Family

Grandpa Baron & J

Four Generations

Poor P-nut missed out on swimming lessons because of his arm :(

And before we knew it August was here and the kids were all in school. (P-nut is in preschool, 2 days a week.)

P-nut & his best bud

Ready for preschool

First day of school!

So that was just about it...or was it???

Ready or Not

For years I have had regrets about the twists and turns that my education took. I was lucky enough to get a degree and although I learned a lot and enjoyed my major it wasn't my first choice.
Originally I wanted to be a nurse. A NICU nurse to be precise, but due to financial constraints and REALLY bad advice I changed my major-twice.

I had to work to put myself through school and because of that I wasn't as able as I wanted to be to study, or learn, or immerse myself in my learning. I had to watch my dream die. Whereas I was able to move on from other dreams that I had to let go of- like serving a mission- I have always clung to the thought that this dream might still be a possibility.

As I enter the first year with only one child at home and the knowledge that there can be no more babies it is time for me to figure out how to rescue my poor, crushed, little dream. So a few months ago I began by researching nursing programs, as well as medical schools, here in Colorado.

My poor dream although on life support seams to be making an effort to make a come back. I am nearly half-way through a pre-requisite course (Medical Terminology) and I am doing much better this go around.

I have five other classes that I have to take before I apply (Microbiology, Anatomy, Physiology, Chemistry & Statistics) as well as one or two more I may take for the heck of it, but maybe by the time I am all alone I can go back to school.

Dear Hubby is so encouraging but it is super hard to do this. I lack so much confidence in my ability to learn and I have the guilt of leaving the kids. (I am good at guilt- it's a talent really.) I am really trying to feel good about this decision and reading this certainly has helped but it is as though I have this great internal battle of, "You are a bad mom so you might as well be gone" to "If anything happens to the younglings while you are away it is because you are away." (Great internal schizophrenia, right?)

I am so TORN

At one moment I will be so into it all that I will be willing to sell my soul to Uncle Sam to pay for it all and the next moment I will be avoiding homework. I have felt that this is the direction for me to go. I know that it will be hard. Now that DH is half way done with his MBA here goes mom into the fray. (Look I rhymed) Is this fair to the kids? How will we cope?

This is certainly one of those walk into the dark moments. And here I am slowly inching my way into the entryway of darkness.

So pray that I have the guts to stick it out so that my poor lifeless little dream can blossom and turn into something that even I can't imagine.

Onto homework....

Misc.

You know how some days you are so happy as a parent and how others you question what drug you took that made you think this was a good idea? Yep ...too bad you can't schedule those days. I think Tuesday's are way better for questioning parenting than Fridays. I'm just saying.


Why does OCD have to be bad? I could use a bit more of it in my life. Maybe something would stay clean and organized, just one thing.


How I'll know when I am dead.....,I'm sure you all think this is terribly morbid but oh well. I've long stated that when I die, because we all do, but I'll know, not because of the white lights and all these vaugely familiar people looking at me, no it will be because I feel well rested and I won't hurt anymore. It really stinks that once my kids sleep through the night that I don't. It's even worse that I live life at an annoying 4.5 to 6 on the pain scale. So I'll know when I am dead because oh I'll feel so much better. This is why I'll live another 60 years at least.


I went to see Cars 2 and it was cute but I really wish if they were going to set part of it in the UK that they could have at least done a short with the guys from Top Gear. Missed the boat there Pixar. Oh well...

Family vacations are no vacation for moms. We pack. We cook. We clean....oh dear we have another one coming up. I'm sure once I get there it will be fine but I haven't recovered from the laundry of the last trip....ack!

Friends With Substance

So a few years ago I said something profound. ( I know too bad it doesn't happen more frequently, huh?) Anyway, I happened to be with three dear friends saying goodbye to one in our group and while at dinner I mentioned how grateful I was to have "Friends With Substance". (They could tell you better than I the exact scenario.) I have been contemplating that as another "friend with substance" prepares to move across the country.
First, let me describe what a friend with substance is. In my estimation it is someone who will get down and dirty with you. They will change your kids diapers, and in a real pinch probably yours too. They will laugh with you. And cry, the deep, ugly, soul-wrenching cry of someone who is bearing it all. These friends are life-long. No amount of miles, education, religion or socioeconomic distance can separate you.
"FWS" lovingly overlook your faults and often love you because of them instead of in spite of them. "FWS" can get over any difference of opinions you may have and love you anyway. At the core though is the fact that the things you value most are honored, respected and even protected by these people.
My husband has had an amazing example of this in his life. As a freshman in college he met two such guys and then while serving a mission for our church he met the pinnacle of "FWS". Jason Jones. This man is simply AMAZING. Every year he calls DH on his birthday. Now you may say no big deal but the fact is we aren't even sure when he found out the exact birthday and that he lives in England and that he is a man makes him a stand out "FWS".

I have been lucky enough to have quite a few of these in my life. Especially since my favorite "FWS" (DH) is gone a lot I really need them in my life. My "FWS" think deep thoughts and are yet down to earth. They appreciate my assets and I theirs and enjoy going on trips with me, be it across the country or to GoodWill(ahhh) they still love me at the end of it all.
You can be totally honest and not worry that they will hate you. They can forgive the emotional diarrhea that you sometimes inflict on them because they know that you are there for them when their bout comes along. You can stay up way to late talking and laughing and talking and crying because they get you.

Most of all though you are totally a better person because of them! They make you a better wife, not worse. They commiserate about motherhood but inspire you to keep up the awesome job that you are already doing. They tell you to follow your dreams but teach you to be wise about it. They are an arm to lean on when you are weak and you are theirs. You pray for them and they for you. They are the people that you wish you could spend more time with but life sometimes gets in the way, but since you are "FWS" your relationship will always be great.

Sure not every "friend" may be substantial but the good news is that they can be. I sincerely feel that being genuine and yourself is what we need in our lives. There is too much of the artificial and surface pleasantries in the world. We need a little more of the nitty gritty. When people quit saying that they love each other and wishing for "world peace" and start showing their love for their fellow man/woman we will be better off. Then maybe, just maybe, we can say "I am imperfect but I am trying" or "yep I have wrinkles and stretch marks and my boobs sag but I am good with it" and then maybe our sons and daughters will be better for seeing their parents be genuine and become "FWS" to the next generation.

So my dear "FWS", I hope that you know who you are, I love you! You are all amazing! Starting with my hubby with no end in sight to the amount of "FWS" I hope that I can enjoy in my life.

Tale of a Single Married Woman

Thanks to my dear friend and roommate, Rachel, I was able to read this interesting blog post about single-married parenting. This woman had such an amazing perspective about the life that so many women share. I totally identified with this lady and laughed out loud. But after reading her post I thought a lot about how I have come to terms with being a single married parent.

Now I am in no way perfect but I have SLOWLY found that it does no good to complain continually. After years and years of my husband missing events and not being there when I think he should be, I have learned that as much as it frustrates me that he's not here he has to endure the sadness of missing milestones that we can never recapture. We have come to the point in our lives where we have to pick and choose the events that dad can make. (Seriously,DH has not been home for his birthday in over 6 years.)

Now it certainly helps that I am surrounded by numerous friends who are in the same boat. We all have to discipline and clean and sleep ALONE. Sure we get to eat ice cream for dinner (or in my case guacamole or hummus) but I'd much rather have dinner with my DH. Sure he gets to eat lobster on the expense account but he to is alone and if he isn't he is talking shop through the meal.

I don't know what delusion I was under when I married but somehow I though that 9 to 5 was enough and that dinner together as a family every night was not too much to ask for. Well all you young whipper snappers let me tell you a thing or two, that is not reality! Nope. Somehow I had forgotten how often my dad was gone and my mom left alone with us hellions and she had no family around to periodically rescue her. There were know video games or computers to entertain us when she was exhausted. And all in a 1400 square foot home with 5 kids. How did she survive? What toll did we take on her sanity?

I don't know the answer to those questions but I do know that nowadays it is worse than ever. When we were first married there were no cell phones like there are today but my DH was blessed with a pager as a car salesman. I know, seriously a car salesman? Anyway if he was paged it meant his customer was in and he had to run like some EMT to the scene. It was seriously annoying especially when I'd have to go to the movies alone or anything we planned to do got turned upside down. I should've known that was just the beginning but I thought it might get better with a new job- don't kid yourself lady! So here we are 12 years into marriage 10 1/2 years into parenting and yet in some ways the work stuff is worse (thanks to smart phones).

But my husband has a job. A job where when he is in town he can work from home a few days a week. A job that slows in the summer but is seriously crazy the rest of the year. (Last year DH was in nearly 40 states in a single year, HI & AK for fun but the rest for work.) A job that has allowed him and I to go back to school. A job that he enjoys for the most part.

So what have I learned in my single married state? Well, I have learned that there are more people out there in the same boat than not. I have learned to cope. If a day is particularly bad I send the kids to bed early-harder in summer than in winter. If we want pizza we eat it. If we want to watch a movie we do. If I choose to take the kids swimming after school I do and I don't worry about dinner, sandwiches will do or cereal for that matter. I have girl friends and we get together with all the kids and have a dinner with an adult conversation. It's like cheap therapy. Same gal pals help make freezer meals so that when we want a good meal it's there and we don't have to do take out. I have learned to keep the kids on a routine and that I do them no favors by not allowing/making them pitch in. I mean this is a family not a hotel and resort. I am not the maid and if you wanna live here you work. The kids have learned to be a little calmer when dad is gone, especially when I get a migraine. And the older kids take care of the younger ones.

I have also learned that there is NO SUCH THING as a 9 to 5 job that can support a family of 6. I have learned to show my husband that I love him and that he is important even if he isn't home. I want him to want to come home so throwing a fit about a canceled flight, two weeks in a row, will not solve anything. I have learned that when he is home to not be a martyr and take the breaks he offers me.

So all in all being a single married parent is no walk in the park but this is how it is right now. I love and respect my husband. I am so glad that he is not above working with the crews he is supposed to be supervising and that he works so hard to provide for us. DH doesn't get time off as he is pursuing his MBA and he is a Boy Scout leader so if he wants to watch a sporting event then by all means do it. I don't get time off either so when he tells me to go riding or out with the girls I don't argue so much anymore. And above all we make time for each other. Time to listen to each other, either in person or on the phone.

We, all of us, are making this thing work. One day, one week, one month at a time. So good luck and hang in there all you single married moms you're not alone, even when it sure feels like it.

Preschool Graduation

Well Butch (of Butch and Sundance- name changed to protect the innocent) has graduated from preschool. Yep my #3 will be in Kindergarten this fall. So sad but so fun too.

We were so blessed to have Sis. Ann as our preschool teacher. She is an amazing woman who can do what this parent is so ill-equipped to do. I can't get my kids to sit still for 20 minutes let alone 2.5 hours.
At the start of the year Butch could barely write his name and now he can write so well. He counts. HE reads and he sings.

The amazing Sis. Ann taught the kids a great deal this year but they really loved learning to be patriotic. So for graduation there was a patriotic theme. For the program little Butch signed up to sing the national anthem. HE did an amazing job.

Our little guy is pretty amazing and we are so glad that he is a part of our family. He's grown up way too fast and it will be hard for Sundance and I to adjust to him being gone everyday. But Sundance will now be able to go to preschool with Sis. Ann and that will be a superb blessing to him and to me.

Little Black Dress

This piece of necessary wardrobe wear seems to be the hardest piece to find to fill my closet. At times I have owned a black dress; sometimes little, sometimes not so much. For one reason or another though I have become slightly obsessed but unwilling to settle. I am to the point where if I am going to spend money on something I want to LOVE it.
I have been pouring over images and catalogs. I constantly check the racks at Goodwill. I lust at Nordstrom but nearly faint over the cost.
Where can I find the perfect LBD? I know what I want but where can I get it? I am no good at sewing but it is becoming tempting.
I mean I love this one:

But of course it was already SOLD :(
I have looked at vintage and modesty sights all over the internet.
More that I have lusted over:




Who knows if I will find one that I LOVE and if I don't that's OK. I just wish that the styles that I love were more readily available but lets face it, it's not the 1940s or 50s and the little back dress that I long for may be impossible to find. Alas I will move on BUT if you see one that might not break the bank or make me look too frumpy give me a shout out!

San Antonio

So because I have super spectacular husband I was afforded the great opportunity to go to San Antonio this past weekend for a women's conference as well as to visit some of the historic sites. He was so inspired to send me a day early as well. Because I was able to get in earlier I had a day where I was totally alone. It was nice to be alone with myself and to see the beautiful missions of San Antonio.
As I walked through these amazing areas I realized how sacred each of these locations were. The history and my walk through time were an amazing testament to the people who have resided in this area since long before the American Revolution. It is amazing that these missions are still active parishes of the Catholic church and that mass is said there weekly. Descendants of the original parishioners still live and worship in the area.

The Alamo was astounding as well. It is amazing that around 200 men- mostly NOT from Texas- were able to hold off 20,000 troops from the Mexican Army for 13 days. To be able to visit another U.S. Shrine within the year is an honor. (The first was Pearl Harbor.) The people who died there were defending more than an obscure outpost but the very freedom that we all take for granted from time to time.

I was also able to have my dear friend & my sister join me in San Antonio for Time Out for Women. I have been able to attend this conference when it has come to Denver in years past but this year Ryan will be gone when the conference is here. It is not that the presenters tell me things I don't already know, it's more like they remind me and allow me to have a new perspective.



Between the missions, the conference and my company I was blessed with a great, all be it brief, weekend away. I owe it all to my super awesome husband who KNOWS that sometimes girls night is not enough. Sometimes I need just a bit more....Thanks dear....you rock!!

ADDICTED

OK so I have a confession to make. I am addicted. No not to sugar or chocolate, well those too, but to a television show. I am in LOVE with Who Do You Think You Are? What you've never heard of it? Well then what kind of friend am I to not expose you to this addiction of mine.

US/UK Logo

It all started last year when a new NBC television show was announced with the premise of following the genealogy of certain famous Americans. Now I may not be a fan of all of the stars that they profile on this television show but the process that they go through is so fascinating that I just can't stop watching.

When the shows started I made the kids be quiet, and later they joined me, so that I could take in every minute detail of the discovery of their roots. As an American who had immigrants as early as the Mayflower and as late as the 1880s it fascinates me how jumbled most Americans' DNA is. It also goes to show that you can NEVER judge a book by it's cover. I mean seriously what is "Jewish" or "Irish" supposed to look like; this show has made it quite apparent that until you look you don't really know who you are.

Australian LOGO

Of course there have only been 2 seasons of the show here in the states but like most things the show did not start here. NOPE it is the brainchild of the BBC, like a lot of my favourite shows. (Yes I meant to spell it that way.)

And in the UK it has been on for years! Allowing me to extend my viewing pleasure, over the internet of course. I was astonished to find out that it has been on in the UK since 2004! This may tide me over until next year here in the US.

Now we "Yanks" aren't the only ones to leach off "Brits". No NO. Actually many countries have their own Who Do You Think You Are? franchises. (Do you hear the angels singing....ahhhh!) I know that I may be overreacting a bit but no other television series has grabbed me like this in a long time.

Canadian Logo

Who Do You Think You Are? to me is a tool that has allowed the world to be exposed to the fascination that we need to all have with where we come from. This simple television show does not sugar coat the past. It allows the researchers to go on a familial treasure hunt for those who sacrificed and suffered, who overcame and lost out so that we can all be here today to honour them.

Ireland LOGO

So I challenge you to give the show a glance and maybe it will inspire you to find the past, YOUR PAST. Who knows what you may find. A criminal or a saint, a king or a conqueror, a bigamist or polygamist? Who knows! Just give it a try, you may find it as addicting as I do. And even if someone else in your family is doing it ALL then ask them to share the information.

Happy hunting!

P.S. For further information click on the following links. If you can't find the shows on youtube.com then try here. Your local libraries may have copies as well

Who Do You Think You Are?UK

Who Do You Think You Are? USA

Who Do You Think You Are? Ireland

Who Do You Think You Are? Canada

Who Do You Think You Are? Australia

Who Do You Think You Are? South Africa

Who Do You Think You Are? Israel

Who Do You Think You Are? also has versions in Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Germany, Finland, Holland, Russia, Poland and possibly others. Not all of these shows are called by the same name but have a similar premise. BBC Wales has another show called Coming Home which is shorter in length but equally riveting.

P.P.S. Some of my favourite episodes:

David Tennant

Boris Johnson

Sarah Jessica Parker

Sigrid Thornton

Gwenyth Paltrow

Rupert Penry- Jones

Stephen Page

Stephen Fry

David Suchet

Patsy Kensit

Emmit Smith

Hormones....

So I am going to rant for a minute. Many of my closest friends have heard this but I am going to just put this out there for public consumption.

Image of HGH

There is a crazy diet out there called the HGH or HGC diet. The premise of this diet is that you either inject or swallow a hormone extracted from the urine of pregnant women (at least that's where "they" say it comes from) to suppress hunger while limiting your diet to a mere 500 calories a day. Now I have a multitude of issues with this.
FIRST, anyone who eats only 500 calories will lose weight. Try it for a week and you will see. Not smart but effective.

SECOND, do we not understand what hormones do??? You can go here for a full explanation but basically they control messages sent out to the cells of your body. There are tons of different hormones all with specific purposes. Testosterone, progesterone, estrogen, and on and on. Now if one's hormones go haywire, or in this case we cause them to go haywire, what messages are these hormones sending our cells? Say you have one cell that is trying to change and then BAM it receives a good does of an unusual hormone. What's a defenseless little cell to do but to become ....oh I don't know CANCER!!! Seriously people don't our genes have enough to deal with without us mucking about with it all.

NEXT, growing up in a semi-agricultural background I was very aware of the hyper-criticism of the use of hormones on animals that are a part of our food chain. While I was young the big hoopla was over bovine somatatropin- this is a hormone that some farmers were giving their cattle to increase milk production. The amount that this hormone leached into the milk supply was minimal at best but the alarm was sounded so BST was all but eliminated from use.

The same goes for hormone free chicken, pork products, produce, ect. In any grocery store you go to you will see HORMONE FREE everywhere. IS this good? Probably. But now we stupid humans are skipping the process of even diluting hormones in the food chain and we've gone right to shooting them in our slightly large thigh muscle!

How vain or desperate do you have to be to engage in this type of dieting? I have had family and acquaintances indulge in this for a time and it terrifies me!

Just because HGH occurs "naturally" doesn't mean that tweaking your HGH level is a good idea. In fact I have read that HGH production goes up during sleep. I think since I have about 20-30 pounds I'd like to loose I will just ask for a chemically induced coma. (This explains why my brother is a rail- sleep= HGH.) Well I'm off to take a nap and save $ and lose weight spontaneously. Wish me luck!

Finding joy when joy doesn't find you.....

So I have a problem- don't we all- I find my job exhausting and often unfulfilling. That being said I must mention that I am a full-time mom so this lack of fulfillment comes with a rather high degree of guilt, remember this is a talent of mine.

So when I came across this article, Why every mom needs a purpose beyond motherhood | Mormon Times, this woman was speaking my language. In the culture which I live there is this understood goal that you will marry and be a wife and mother and if at all possible you will be the primary caregiver by staying at home. I call this sacrificing yourself on the alter of motherhood. However noble and grand this concept may be in practice it is a great deal more complicated. In a world where you don't get noticed unless you are loud and obnoxious being fulfilled and feeling successful by being "just" a mom is nearly impossible.

I want to be the mom who does fun stuff with her kids and doesn't get stressed out. I want to be the mom who can keep the house clean and the kids fed and forget my dreams and yet, what would that tell my kids. It's as if I am an epic hypocrite by saying,"You can be or do anything that you put your mind to." But then I don't do the things that I have always intended to do. Or it teaches them that a clean house is more important than a bed time story.

So here is to FINDING JOY. Sometimes joy seems to just happen but it always takes a great deal of work to get there. The most joyful times in my life took months of hell before I could experience the joy. I intend to make joy a priority and sometimes that means actually giving stuff up...stuff that makes joy a little too hard to find.

This must be the joy I find. The little victories (and the big) that I get to experience because I do have this job & before I know it the job will change and my employers will need me less.

Some glimpses of joy!

Perspective

So this is the house I grew up in for the bulk of my childhood (1985-1995ish).

This home has 3 bedrooms & 1 bathroom for a grand total of 1041 square feet.

When I saw that the house was this small

(it is currently for sale so this is how I discovered this)

I was floored.

I guess that being a child everything just seemed bigger-

except the ONE bathroom.

(It may be time to mention that there were 2 adults and 5 children

who lived in this home.)

Granted my parents paid under $50K for this house--currently listed at $105K-but still this place is tiny. I thought that my first home was small at about 1440 sq ft. No way.

HOWEVER

Learning this makes me appreciate exactly where I came from.

It was way humbler than I had remembered.

It was simple and had a yard and we had fun here.

The Pecan tree in the front yard gave us pecans to grab during

Hurricane Andrew.

The ditch gave us an instant pool when it rained.

SO we were happy and when we weren't it was OK.

This house was made a home by chaos and craziness and I hope that wherever I live can feel the same way for my kids one day.

(BTW thanks Cherie for letting me know that it was for sale.)

Well Looky HERE

Learn something new all the time!

BREAD

So for Christmas my mother-in-law got me a Blendtec mixer; It's like a Bosch and a Vitamix all in one. I was slightly intimidated by this new appliance but now I am in love. I love that I can make a ton of bread and that it warms my house up and the smell is AMAZING.

So now thanks to this lovely machine I am baking bread at least once a week.

This post is making me hungry....good thing there is a loaf ready and waiting. YUM-O!

Genetic Defect

(This is more for my personal therapy than for any other reason. Read at your own risk!)

While in the womb 32 years ago my genetic destiny was determined. I was destined to be one of the least positive people on the planet. I am not, and if I ever was it was brief, a look on the bright side kind of person. It's not glass half full or half empty it's rather the glass is cracked. I can't get past the condition of the glass to even notice that there is water.
This of course is in direct conflict with my religious convictions which gives me migraines on a frequent basis. I know that the temporal- here and now- stuff is of such little consequence but because of that then I feel why even bother. Why set goals let alone accomplish them? Why kill myself on cleaning my home or sewing or baking or gardening when the house will only get dirty again, the sewing will take forever and fall apart, the baking will make a mess and I'll just have to do more & the garden will be more work and money than it is worth.
I am sure that all of this stems from my being a control freak. I know I have no control over my life but then when that comes to fruition I just get so darn mad! For example, recently my hubby and I sat down and conceived a plan to eliminate our debt. For once this actually seemed doable, even with four kids in tow. Then the laptop dies- that's a cool grand I wasn't planning on spending. ( FYI this is being typed on an iPad.) So now I have two dead laptops and a pc on life-support that might as well be dead. Now this goes back to do I really NEED a computer? Well maybe not BUT in an effort to look on the bright side and try to help delete debt from my life I have taken on some side jobs, besides those that I am not paid for, which require a computer.
So in slips the genetic defect of negativity and criticism.....you know, "this always happens" and "why me"... Seriously irritating. I mean I don't have cancer or even a canker sore right now, so why the attitude! Why can't I just shrug this off and move on?
I guess the answer lies somewhere in the fact that this takes really hard work. I can't treat this like my brain coral tummy and just run more or swim more or eat less or lift more weight. There is really nothing outward that I can do to cure myself, not even happy pills (anti-depressants) work for me. In the end it will be because of my faith in my Savior's Atonement that I will ever be able to be a bit more positive. It will be because I KNOW that only Christ knows this internal drama of mine, the likes of which Shakespeare could not have even imagined. He knows how hard it is for me to put on a smile, get out of bed or even bathe sometimes. He knows how envious I am of those who seem so happy in the midst of monumental tragedy while I hate myself over the stupidest things. He knows how I want to feel that my good enough is actually good enough. He knows how I want to not only accept but believe the compliments that I receive. He knows how terribly insecure I am and how terribly I overcompensate to hide that I am mortal. He knows my regrets and accepts me anyway.
Maybe one day this will be a bit easier. Until then I will try to enjoy the mundane and ignore the aggravating.
(Luckily my negativity was once again unfounded and a great friend of mine was not only able to salvage my laptop but ALL of the files! Miricale- I think yes!)

Get a Load of This

Recently there was an article written in Salon magazine about Mormon "mommy bloggers". The article was called Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs by: Debbie Matchar

Seeing as though I fit within the realm of this genre I thought that I should read the afore mentioned article.

So where do I begin?

I think that overall the article is fair but at the same time I was slightly annoyed. Why can't we be "uplifting" in our finding joy in motherhood? Although this is a goal of many LDS women it does not always come easily. No matter how profound our blogs are or how "perfect" our lives may seem there is no denying that LDS women face the same issues as any other sector of the female population. Maybe many of us are just trying to feel a sense of validation that we don't get because we don't get raises or expense accounts or an "at-a-girl" for those well cleaned refrigerators. But over all we have happy well-adjusted lives because we choose to make it that way- medicated or not.

I mean who cares if Utah has the highest percentage of people on anti-depressants. More power to those women who realize that there is an issue and take care of it rather than drowning themselves or their children. As an LDS woman who has dealt with depression this stupid stigma that we are depressed because we are oppressed or unhappy with our lives is hoey. We face the same disappointments and stress as any other woman but we have great highs too. Kids that want to cook with us or actually ask to help clean. Husband's that make us breakfast in bed and bring flowers home from the airport after a long business trip. Parents that encourage us to follow our dreams and remind us where we came from. Siblings who share our background. And friends....FRIENDS that are there when you are barfing day after day during an awful pregnancy. Friends that may move but who you still remember the meal they brought after you had your baby. Friends that come with being LDS because we offer relief...Maybe that's why our organization is called the Relief Society....

I know that it may seem to the outside world that we come off as a little "leave it to beaver-esque" however why would we post about the worst about our lives all the time. Certainly we need to vent and occasionally the blog is that venue but in general we just want to find a way to document our life for family that lives far away, share ideas that we think someone may appreciate, or just store our favorite recipes for friends and family to drool over.

I believe that in this day in age what was once "normal" is now peculiar and Ms. (or Mrs.) Matchar has made this apparent. Nowadays people don't just put off having a family because of money or a home or whatever else but because kids don't fit into their perceived lifestyle. (This of course is completely off topic but HOW SELFISH! I mean now my kids don't just have to worry about caring for me but for the people who chose not to have children! ARGGG! Back to the topic at hand...) Women feel that a home cooked meal is a luxury. Men enjoy eating on the road rather than at home. Kids find friends online rather than with their own siblings.

Unfortunately my life is peculiar ... not everyone sits down to the table for dinner each night as a family. Not everyone grows a garden or cooks game that their husband brings home. Not everyone can take a ham and turn it into nearly 20 different meals. Alas what is normal for me is peculiar to many people.

For all the issues that I have with my life periodically I know that although the grass can seem greener it still needs just as much watering. It still would take the same amount of effort to find happiness and choose to find joy in being a woman, wife, mother, etc.

Secret is OUT

So my secret is out...I LOVE Goodwill. Yep I shop there like crazy. Books, clothes, shoes, etc., etc.
I shop at Goodwills across the Denver Metro area and know where I can find good stuff. I have a budget and this place helps me to better stick to it. I have many friends who like myself have a budget and want nice stuff, so where do I take them shopping??? Yep that's right Goodwill. I have found many named brands and the best part is that nearly twice a month there is a 50% off everything sale and sometimes there are even 99 cent blue jeans days.
My best buys include but are not limited to- great shoes (found a pair of Steve Madden heals for a friend of mine), fur coat, Coleman Lantern in great condition, kids clothes, NUMEROUS books.
So if you need an outfit may I suggest Goodwill. And if you need help shopping I am always up for dress up.

Music Please

So Bonnie (of Bonnie and Clyde fame- name changed to protect the innocent) had a piano recital this afternoon. It was quick and easy- which was good since Dear Hubby was unable to attend. She did quite well and we hope this will lead to years of improvement and maybe she can teach her younger brothers Butch and Sundance...

Grandpa...Tell Me 'Bout the Good Ole Days

If nothing else at least I got this great picture because of Christmas. Thanks JEANE!!!