Finding joy when joy doesn't find you.....

So I have a problem- don't we all- I find my job exhausting and often unfulfilling. That being said I must mention that I am a full-time mom so this lack of fulfillment comes with a rather high degree of guilt, remember this is a talent of mine.

So when I came across this article, Why every mom needs a purpose beyond motherhood | Mormon Times, this woman was speaking my language. In the culture which I live there is this understood goal that you will marry and be a wife and mother and if at all possible you will be the primary caregiver by staying at home. I call this sacrificing yourself on the alter of motherhood. However noble and grand this concept may be in practice it is a great deal more complicated. In a world where you don't get noticed unless you are loud and obnoxious being fulfilled and feeling successful by being "just" a mom is nearly impossible.

I want to be the mom who does fun stuff with her kids and doesn't get stressed out. I want to be the mom who can keep the house clean and the kids fed and forget my dreams and yet, what would that tell my kids. It's as if I am an epic hypocrite by saying,"You can be or do anything that you put your mind to." But then I don't do the things that I have always intended to do. Or it teaches them that a clean house is more important than a bed time story.

So here is to FINDING JOY. Sometimes joy seems to just happen but it always takes a great deal of work to get there. The most joyful times in my life took months of hell before I could experience the joy. I intend to make joy a priority and sometimes that means actually giving stuff up...stuff that makes joy a little too hard to find.

This must be the joy I find. The little victories (and the big) that I get to experience because I do have this job & before I know it the job will change and my employers will need me less.

Some glimpses of joy!