Finding joy when joy doesn't find you.....

So I have a problem- don't we all- I find my job exhausting and often unfulfilling. That being said I must mention that I am a full-time mom so this lack of fulfillment comes with a rather high degree of guilt, remember this is a talent of mine.

So when I came across this article, Why every mom needs a purpose beyond motherhood | Mormon Times, this woman was speaking my language. In the culture which I live there is this understood goal that you will marry and be a wife and mother and if at all possible you will be the primary caregiver by staying at home. I call this sacrificing yourself on the alter of motherhood. However noble and grand this concept may be in practice it is a great deal more complicated. In a world where you don't get noticed unless you are loud and obnoxious being fulfilled and feeling successful by being "just" a mom is nearly impossible.

I want to be the mom who does fun stuff with her kids and doesn't get stressed out. I want to be the mom who can keep the house clean and the kids fed and forget my dreams and yet, what would that tell my kids. It's as if I am an epic hypocrite by saying,"You can be or do anything that you put your mind to." But then I don't do the things that I have always intended to do. Or it teaches them that a clean house is more important than a bed time story.

So here is to FINDING JOY. Sometimes joy seems to just happen but it always takes a great deal of work to get there. The most joyful times in my life took months of hell before I could experience the joy. I intend to make joy a priority and sometimes that means actually giving stuff up...stuff that makes joy a little too hard to find.

This must be the joy I find. The little victories (and the big) that I get to experience because I do have this job & before I know it the job will change and my employers will need me less.

Some glimpses of joy!

Perspective

So this is the house I grew up in for the bulk of my childhood (1985-1995ish).

This home has 3 bedrooms & 1 bathroom for a grand total of 1041 square feet.

When I saw that the house was this small

(it is currently for sale so this is how I discovered this)

I was floored.

I guess that being a child everything just seemed bigger-

except the ONE bathroom.

(It may be time to mention that there were 2 adults and 5 children

who lived in this home.)

Granted my parents paid under $50K for this house--currently listed at $105K-but still this place is tiny. I thought that my first home was small at about 1440 sq ft. No way.

HOWEVER

Learning this makes me appreciate exactly where I came from.

It was way humbler than I had remembered.

It was simple and had a yard and we had fun here.

The Pecan tree in the front yard gave us pecans to grab during

Hurricane Andrew.

The ditch gave us an instant pool when it rained.

SO we were happy and when we weren't it was OK.

This house was made a home by chaos and craziness and I hope that wherever I live can feel the same way for my kids one day.

(BTW thanks Cherie for letting me know that it was for sale.)