TOO much time...

When I stay up this late I think too much.
Tonight we discussed the book, Love That Dog by Sharon Creech at book club. This quote from the book is exactly what is going on with me...
Sometimes
when you are trying
not to think about something
it keeps popping back in your head
you can't help it
you think about it
and
think about it
and
think about it
until your brain
feels like
a squashed pea.

Do you ever feel that way?

With Ryan traveling so much I often think too much...What if this or what if that? What about this or what about that? Why this & why that?
None of my questions are ever answered satisfactorily but I guess that is what life is, a season of questions & if I had the answers I wouldn't need faith.

So here is to faith, may we all have enough to get through each day.

NO rhyme or reason

I often contemplate if there is any rhyme or reason to why certain things happen. Today I received a phone call that my husband's uncle was killed in a freak car accident in Arizona. He was on his way home from the funeral of Ryan's great-uncle with his wife, two of his sisters, and his brother-in-law when they got a flat tire. He and his brother-in-law were changing the tire when another driver dozed off swerved and hit our uncle, one day before his 56th birthday.
So why? Why him? Why now? One year ago his mother passed away, & now him?
This Uncle was the first member of the family that I met when Ryan & I were dating. He was a genuinely kind man who didn't have a mean bone in his body. He has a beautiful wife, two daughters & two sons and two granddaughters.
I can't even imagine being at family gatherings without him. I know that I have only been a part of this family for such a short time, relatively speaking, but I was effected by his presence in my life- all for the good.
This was not like the last three deaths that we have experienced where the people were elderly and suffered for a long time. This was sudden and so.....shocking. It amazes me how death can be a welcomed friend in one instance and a vile enemy in the next. Even with a knowledge of the life after the meaning for those left behind is often of no comfort or worse completely elusive.
I simply pray that I can be more like he is/was.

Crazy Garden Lady

So my mom loves to garden, and she is really good at it too. Now that I have seen the following pictures I know that this has always been the fact....Enjoy how cute my mom was as a toddler with her garden tools.
Watch out Dad she may revert any day now!)

9 years down...only 9 left :(

So my oldest turned 9 yesterday. It is astounding to know that half of the time he will live with us full-time is now over. I am so grateful to have this awareness so that each day I can make the effort to better appreciate the time I do get to spend with him.
He is and amazing young man. At a recent parent teacher conference his teacher mentioned how kind and compassionate Michael is. She said, " I can teach him to read and many other things BUT I can't teach him to care for others."
I was nearly in tears. Sometimes you just have to hear the truth from someone else.
Michael is a great blessing to me in my life and although he is not perfect he encourages me to be better. He teaches me that what I say and do have an impact- especially on him.
As I think back here are some things I have learned from being a mother to this exceptional kid.
1. One persons average is another's amazing. Always strive to be your own amazing.
2. Listening to your kids is more than hearing them. Often they talk and talk and talk, sometimes you just need to tell them that you want to listen and then they will wait until you can.
3.Love to learn. Michael has always loved to know things. He always asks me questions and thankfully we have the internet to go to when mom has to admit she doesn't have the answers.
4. When you think something is wrong it often is. Moms should never second-guess their intuition when it comes to their kids.
5. Loving siblings doesn't always come naturally, it is my responsibility to encourage and foster love between my kids. Eventually they will engender the natural affection that we all want to be their.
6. 8 hours of sleep is not always necessary. Since Michael was little we would hear him in his room late at night singing or playing. Now he stays up reading until at least 11pm (sometimes later). He still gets up and practices, does chores and gets to school on time.
7. Your trials may be a blessing in disguise. During my pregnancies I was always super sick. When Michael was two I was pregnant and could barely do the laundry. Michael learned to unload the dryer and how to load the washer- periodically chunking clothes behind the old top load washer. He is now a super helper and has taught his sister & brothers to do laundry and other chores.
8. Make the time you spend with them productive and fun, they will always want to be around you for part of their day. It is not always easy to entertain kids of different ages but I have found that my kids crave being around me. We try to put them in bed and they invariably offer to "help" do something. As much as I know they are avoiding bed I also know they want just a little more time with mom & dad.

It is surreal to look into the unknown and only have a general idea of what will happen. As the details become clearer I hope that I can fully prepare Michael for the years he will be away from us as they unfortunately rapidly approach.

Book Club

I love book clubs. These groups of women are so super awesome and having some mental stimulation is awesome too.
I love having motivation to read books that I have always wanted to read and being exposed to other books that I wouldn't read otherwise.
It is amazing how for days after I think about the conversation and the topics that are addressed while discussing a book. What a great blessing it is for me to have an excuse to get out while Ryan travels so much...So in honor of how much I love books & book club let me quote my daughter. After organizing her bookshelf today she emphatically stated:"I need more books my shelves aren't full yet." (I love that girl.)

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match...

I hate folding socks! Need I really say more?

Just a little Fluff

So here is how I waste my time...

(Before)
So for years I have been wanting to recover these pillows. 1) Because no matter how much I cleaned them they still looked dirty and 2)because they didn't really match the linens in my bedroom.
So I took this fabric:


And tada...

Next I took this awesome aqua toile I found a few years ago and made a pillow for one of chairs in my bedroom.


I may take the remaining toile and make a variation on this pillow. Hopefully it won't take me as long to get to it.
Now to make pillows or covers for the living room and to recover some pillows for our family room. (I am a little pillow crazy at the moment.) The good thing is that the projects keep me sane in a weird twisted way. I guess that I feel that if I accomplish something...anything that is better than nothing.

Need a SMILE?

Ok so if you ever get down and need a smile you have to see the Independant Film I just watched. YOUNG @ HEART!
This was the most uplifting thing I have watched in quite a while. It gives me hope and I smiled the entire time.
In case you haven't seen it an want a brief synopsis so that you can add it to your netflix or reserve it at the library, here goes.
This film follows the Young @ Heart Chorus as they learn their repitoire of Rock n Roll music in 2007. This chorus is a group of Seniors from North Hampton, MA (Not just 60 or 70 somethings but some members pushing 90!) They are astounding! If you visit their website (www.youngatheartchorus.com) you will see that this group has been around since 1983 and that the love of the founders for the members of this chorus is genuine. These people teach you to find joy in your life even when it hands you trials- some members were on oxygen and still sang! This is what I want to be like when I become old. Not old like dang I wish I were 20 again but old like I have lived my life and now I get to play! I can't wait!
(I watched this on Independent Lens on PBS so you may be able to check your local listings and I encourage you to watch...It is worth the time.)

2010...and away we go

So here we are recovering from Christmas and making resolutions and it hits me why don't I look at others' resolutions and just do theirs. It is easier than giving myself a guilt trip about what I won't do and of the resolutions I have read recently most I have already done so I'm already doing great. So here it goes I am going to fulfill all of the following that I have read on other's blogs.

1. No SODA! (This was the easiest one I found out there. I haven't drunk soda-other than an occasional sip- since about 1995. So one down)

2. Keep a journal (Again already do it. Technically I have about 7 going at the same time. One for Ryan and I to write in. One for each kid, one just for me and then a gratitude journal- nothing but the good stuff can go in there.)

3. Read ( do it- if I read more I'd get even less done.)

4. Work out (doing this although the results are not quite what I wanted/expected. Oh well I'll just keep at it.)

5. No cavities (30 and never had one yet. No likely to get one now! THe kids on the other hand...)

Now the last few resolutions are some of the top for 2010: Stop smoking-never started; Quit drinking- again never started;

So there you have it my resolutions are done and already accomplished. That was easy now only six months to prepare for Christmas. Yep I am moving it to JUNE. No one gets sick in June, right?

Short update...I hope

Christmas- good visit with family; homemade gifts were a success; if I have to clean vomit on one more Christmas I will move Christmas to June!

William- how did you get 2 so fast. Dang kid you are growing up TOO fast.

James- bore his first testimony yesterday and Michael helped him. You could only see his eyes and the top of his head but boy was he brave and awesome. Way to go SUNBEAM!

Michael- always aware of EVERYTHING. Tonight Michael said family prayer and asked for "protection from the dangers of this world like fire and carbon monoxide." This is a direct quote. SO cute still at nearly nine.

Christi- learned that combing her hair makes it look spectacular! Maybe we shouldn't encourage this boys are sure to notice her more.

Ryan- back to traveling ALL THE TIME; miss him tons

Katie- I think I may actually finish decorating & organizing this house before July...or at least by next December?

Ok that's it for now. I gotta sleep!

Just Some Pics

I love finding pictures I didn't know I had. These are just a few images floating around that I love. I hope that you enjoy them too.
Ryan built a simple sand box for the kids this summer. The kids LOVE it and so do the parents!

Literature

So I have been thinking about the stuff that I read. I like almost every genre and I am willing to read nearly anything HOWEVER I have noticed recently that I haven't read anything that is very happy. I mean there are happy parts to many books I have read but then again maybe art is once again mimicking life. Isn't life made up of snapshots of happiness mixed in with a great deal of enduring?
Is it an unreasonable expectation for me to want to read something light? Have a good chuckle? Some light things can be superficial and you know what that is ok. So I will list some of the happier/lighter things that I have read. Feel free to include suggestions.

1. Much ado About Nothing by: William Shakespeare ( I love the satire and confusion of this play. It is hilarious to see how some things never change even after 500years.)
2. The Importance of Being Ernest by: Oscar Wilde (Another play that is full of satire and wit. It is also a fairly decent movie.)
3. Pippi Longstockingg by: Astrid Lindrgen (Great story that show that our adult inhibitions are what often puts a damper on how life really should be. Oh how I'd love to be Pippi for a day.)
4. The Little Prince(Le Petit Prince) by: Antoine de Saint-Exupery ( This book again uses the perspective of a child to find joy in the small things. Although there are some SAD parts overall this is a life changing book and is even better when read in the original French. I found great symbolism in this book too.
5. Charlotte's Web by: E.B. White (You be the judge: happy or sad? I am conflicted about this one. I love this book but where does it fall. I lean more on the realistic rather than happy or sad. Happy for Wilbur, sad for Charlotte? Sad for Wilbur too? )
6. Tuesdays With Morrie by: Mitch Albom (Ultimately sad but what great perspective.)
7. The Last Lecture by: Randy Pausch ( Knowing that the author is now deceased this one again leaves me feeling like this is reality at its best. What a great message and overall I felt that it was worth my time and I felt good after reading it.


Feel free to suggest some books that I may enjoy that will lighten my mood. (FYI- I started Three Cups of Tea but the writing style was not that great and made it difficult for me to plow through. Plus I didn't find it that happy; inspirational yes. Happy I don't know.)

Just keep Swimming

I'd like to thank everyone who left a comment about my last post. I was doing a bit of emotional vomiting. It's all good now and mostly because of your gracious comments.
Thanks y'all.

Why bother?

So I often try to do more than I can or I should and often on behalf of my family. SO why bother?
Why do I talk to my siblings on the phone A TON? Why do I spend hours searching out my ancestors? Why do I keep journals for each of my kids? Why do I write letters to my husband? Why do I exhaust myself to make meals that kids don't eat? Why do I sew Halloween costumes? Why do I encourage health and education? Why do I even get out of bed?

Well here is why...because I have a firm belief that when you love people you give them your best even when they don't want it. You make the meals, clean the clothes, listen to the whining, advise, counsel and get NO pay and lose copious amounts of sleep in the hope that one day someone; anyone, will listen to you and realize that you do love them. And maybe if you are super lucky...maybe they will ALL listen!?! Not all at once and never all at the same time but cumulatively maybe it will happen.

Am I delusional? Possibly, but I have to hold to some kind of faith that my work does matter. That my lowly opinion has some importance- is this possible? That all of this is worth the sleepless nights, migraines, backaches, and the many more to come. This is what gets me through the weeks without a spouse. The days with cranky kids. And the months of worry about siblings.

So that is why I bother, because when I love people I don't hold back and I will give my all until there is nothing else to give. Not the smartest practice BUT more often than not that love is reciprocated and I am better because of it.

Spouses needed...or at least DATES

John, 28

David, 24

Jeane, 26,



Do you see these three AWESOME individuals??? Huh, do ya? Ok then these are three of my four available siblings and I would like some neices and nephews. Or at least some sibling-in-laws. (I mean seriously can you even just go on a date with them???)

So world I am sending this out there. I admire these three people SOOO much and I know that there must be 2 girls and a guy that would appreciate them even more than I do. These three are absolutely amazing. John & Jeane have master's degrees and David is pursuing that too. (They are way smarter than me.)

John is a deep thinker and is fiercly devoted to his friends and family.(FYI can cook like any great German and yet speaks spanish fluently.)

David is fun and makes everyone smile. He loves his family and is full of surprises.(Yes he has curly hair and speaks swedish.)

Jeane is AMAZING!!! She loves books even more than me and is a great aunt/mom to my kids. She knows how to handle a gun- but doesn't own one....yet. She is a huge Bare Naked Ladies fan and a devoted convert of Michael Buble-my bad influence!

So there you have it people.... I want the resumes to POUR in! Forward this post to all of your single friends and siblings. LEts get these kids married.

Homemade for Christmas...

OK so I have four children and 2 nieces and 4 nephews, 4 in-law siblings and 2 in-law parents who will all be HERE- well at the in-law parents'- for Christmas. (I also have my parents and 4 siblings but they are easy.)
To the point...I want to MAKE-yes I am insane- the Christmas gifts this year. With a VERY tight budget this seems best. I already have most of the girls either planned or made. (YAY!) However that leaves me SEVEN boys to plan and follow through with. So any ideas? I am already planning on wooden blocks, anything else??? What about Rubber-band guns?
Bean bags?
I-Spy bags?

What about the adults? Any ideas? Pot holders? Sachets? I dunno?
If you have any ideas and know where I can find instructions let me know.

Thanks in advance.

NOBEL PRIZE a joke

OK I am a bit ticked off -again- at the Nobel Peace prize committee. First off Pres. Obama won the peace prize today. Don't get me wrong, I don't think he is a bad man BUT he hasn't even been president a year yet and if Saturday Night Live is saying he has only accomplished "diddly" and "squat" then WHY did he get this peace prize? Is making promises the way that one gets this accolade? I mean seriously if that is all then I promise if I ever become a billionaire I will end worls hunger!!!

This is not the first time that I have been ticked at the committee. When Al Gore won he beat out a woman (Irena Sendler) who smuggled jewish children out of the ghettos in suitcases.

So here I say OPRAH has done more for peace then the current president and I hope that he lives up to this honor.

Just FYI here are some of the past winners:
http://nobelprizes.com/nobel/peace/peace.html

By the way Ghandi and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. NEVER won the prize.

Edited on 10/14: Ok so I still don't think thatPres. Obama had earned this prize YET however he was very humble about the situation. Hopefully Norway will get it one day...or not. Whatever!

BOOKS, books, books

Ok so I am a bookaholic. If my house burned down I would lay in the fetal position for months mourning the loss of decades of books- both purchased and inherited. So in honor of the love of books I wanted you to all know about this AWESOME website.
www.paperbackswap.com
On this site you swap books(paperback, Hard back & audio) with other members and all you have to pay is media mail rate (abt. $3). I love it already and found a new way to unload duplicates and books I will probably NEVER read again. Maybe this new found site came at the perfect time. After helping my grandmother move TONS of books I just concluded that it is past time to downsize.
So here is to a book swap. (By the way they do DVDs and CDs too)

Family Pics

So taking family pictures is something that I would really love to do more often but it never quite works out. You get everyone dressed and something seems to always go awry. Since we have a photographer in the fam and I'd rather not pay a fortune to get my pictures done we torture ourselves and do the whole timer thing and then someone moves or talks or looks at the stupid goose on the grass or picks there nose yada yada yada... BUT despite all the junk that we endured yesterday we got some cute ones and it is amazing how fast these kids are growing up.

I hope that you enjoy these because we did, even if it wasn't perfect it was fun.


Look at our little peanut all grown up. (Last in diapers YAY!)


Lady killer- not that girls even exist unless they have an interesting observation.


Those eyes spell lots of trouble in about 10 (or 2) years. What a beauty!


Hello my name is danger and I like to eat rocks with my face!


Thing 2 and Thing 1...they like each other- sometimes.


Sundance, Butch, Bonnie and Clyde. They only look innocent!



Ten years of marriage, eleven years together and a ton left to go.

Labor Day

So for the past 3 years we have gone with some of our friends camping near Leadville, CO. It is great! It is so nice to have the kids out in nature and playing with people you trust to look after and discipline your kids if need be. I LOVE IT! Not to mention we get to have church out in the woods. I am so grateful for these opportunities.
Here are just a few pictures. Again my kids think that going to the beach means a glacial lake in the mountains- oh well.