I've been reconnecting with alot of people from my childhood and my past and I realized something. I don't think that I am who I once was. I mean maybe it's because life changes a person or because difficult-and sometimes BAD- situations occur and you can't be who you once were. ( Does this make sense?)
I guess that I wonder how close I'd be to those I grew up with if I lived nearer to them.
I left home over 12 years ago. I've been married for nearly ten years and so much changes a person. I find that I am much more introverted than I was as a teenager and young adult. I find myself slightly cloistered with not too many really close friends and I wonder when did this happen or was I just kidding myself all along.
There was a time that I could talk to anyone, anywhere and now I barely ever put myself out there. I once could tell anyone about the faith that I so strongly have but now not so much. I once could stick up for myself in any situation and now I only stand up for myself if it's a medical situation or for my spouse and kids.
What changed?
I think that I am an extrovert trapped in an introvert right now. I so badly want to get out there and go to it BUT with all that is going on I don't have the energy to be all things to all people when I am barely ME.
I wonder if anyone else ever considers these things??? I want to be the best of then and now. I want to have the wisdom that I have gained with the exuberance of those years. Maybe it is hard to put myself out there with those outside of my belief structure because I am looked at as the baby- I am the youngest mom at school and the youngest person on our block. And let me tell you that as an oldest child this is annoying! I have more to offer than I get credit for and even with all of my faults I know stuff and I am willing to learn. Anyway that's enough wandering through my cobweb ridden mind.
Just think about it though. What if...?
3 comments:
So I think we just change. We aren't better than we used to be or worse than we used to be, we are just different. Our priorities change. Our bodies change. Our opinions change. Our beliefs change. Our desire to one-up the next person, or make everyone happy, or whatever it is, changes. We aren't always happy with the changes we make, but the awesome thing about these lives we have and these bodies we inhabit is that they can change again! So you want to be more outgoing and vocal? You can! It isn't easy, but we are capable of infinite change, and that is a good thing.
HUGS!
I agree with Rachel. We change because life hits us and everything is not so black and white anymore. We don't know everything anymore and kids, husbands, health, jobs and everything else is so unpredictable.
We can't be as social because we have kids that need us at home and husbands that just need us. I hear what you are saying. After the twins where born, I just decided it was easier to stay home then hang out with people. Even now, I don't get out all that much, but it's okay, because I know that my time is for being a mom now. I will let you know if it gets better when the boys go to school this year. Hang in there.
I read this really awesome book. It is called "Surrendering to Motherhood. In fact, I think I am going to go read it again.
Hey sis... maybe I am a ton like you! Well in the extrovert in and introvert body... I have become more introverted over the past couple of years at school. There are some people I just never care if I talk to constantly, and I'd much rather sit in my room and read a book than hang with with my roommates... weird!
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