Genotype (DNA) + Environment --> Phenotype (How you turn out/look)
Since I can't change my DNA I am working feverishly at changing my environment. I have found that a great deal of my happiness is directly correlated to the amount of PEACE that I have in my life. How do I get that peace? How can I maintain that peace?
First, cleanliness. I am not a good housekeeper. As noted by the decrapification of 2011 and the continuing of said practice into 2012. Seriously there is a ton of junk that enters into my house. We have given over $1500 worth of junk in 2011 to Goodwill, Salvation Army, etc. CRAZY. Plus trash galore. Seriously not a good housekeeper.
So it is a struggle to find peace when the house is a disaster or when dishes seem to live in the sink more than the cabinet. NO peace there! So I have had to learn that although cleanliness is next to Godliness being grumpy is not! I have had to accept that sometimes playing with the kids is more important than an immaculate home- at least for me. Peace!
Second, organization. Sure my clothes are hung by color in my closet and I covet the space to be organized but this does not come naturally! So many people compliment me on being organized and having it together but those comments make me want to fall on the floor laughing hysterically. I mean I am usually flying by the seat of my pants here. (I finally made a month's menu the other day just to stop the conflict of what was planned for dinner vs. what someone else wants for dinner to a minimum.) I would love to have a place for everything and everything in it's place but I don't. I am lucky to have the home that I do have- limited storage and all. So if things aren't collated and annotated it's OK. As long as I know where it is. You know pile A, B or C. AH PEACE!
Third, fitness & self image. As much as I enjoy being outside and trying to work out regularly I hurt. I am broken and I have to be careful. The desire to not hurt seriously limits the desire to over exert myself. Also, I love FOOD. I mean I read cookbooks. I souvenir eat when I travel. I have food dreams and that is certainly genetic! So learning that my metabolism at 15 was completely unnatural and that I am rapidly approaching 3_ with baby weight, depression weight and a body that no longer wants to cooperate id very dis heartening. So I have had to have the discipline to eat off of salad plates and work out more. I have had to accept that if I want to even be mobile I have to excercise carefully. Maybe I can't even dream of rock hard abs or slender arms but if I can get out of bed that is a plus. I have had to accept that I am more than my body or my brains. I seem smart but I am not really. I seem confident but mostly I am uncertain. But learning to accept that being what I think I see in myself is often false is helpful to finding peace.
Finally, overarching everything-PERFECTION! I want the perfect home- not gonna happen. I want the perfect husband- pretty close but not quite. I want the perfect children- let's face it they are kids. I want the perfect dog- if we are gonna have one she needs to be PERFFECT, right? I want to be perfect too. This is totally counterintuitive to PEACE. If perfect means conflict then NO Thanks! If perfect means giving me migraines, I'd rather not! If perfect means I can't let my kids make cookies or paint or play in the snow then I will take my imperfect life for the sake of PEACE. The Peace that comes from 4 kids that love to play together is AMAZING! The peace that comes from sitting around a dinner table together and listening to the jabbering of my family is a unique brand of peace just for me!
So in the end I am slowly finding my piece or peace! Sure it is not the same for anyone of us but hopefully mine will carry me through. And maybe one day I will be happier and even joyful.
1 comment:
So many of these things I have been pondering lately . ESP the rock hard abs vs moving. Moving is so much more important than extreme fitness. And the naturally happy...I fake that most of the time!
Post a Comment